When passive aggressive narcissists form relationships with healers or empaths this can be a highly charged emotional dance. They will be naturally drawn to each other. One feels deeply, is intuitive and a natural fixer whilst the other is unemotional, insecure and volatile and seems to need fixing. By the way not all passive aggressives are narcissists whereas most narcissists are passive aggressive.
So when things go wrong and the healer is faced with emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and mental abuse why don’t they just walk away and find someone else to save? Here are some reasons why:
Love conquers all
Healers know the power and energy of love and believe that if they “love” truly and deeply healing will occur. If you are empathic and a healer you are in for a tough ride when things go wrong. It can be so hard to channel love to your abuser. Although it is possible to see them surrounded by pink loving energy your own feelings can get in the way of purifying the light of universal healing. For healing to work the person needs to be open to receive it. Abusers tend to be closed off from their emotional needs so may not be ready. Let go of the outcome – it is not yours to control. Acting for the highest good may not be for your highest good as your understand it. From a spiritual perspective we ask for the challenges to learn the lessons we need.
Hard to give up
When you are a kind, giving, positive person it can be very hard to give up on people. You have an innate belief in the good of others. When someone acts out or behaves badly you look for the reason and try to understand. Their history can bring you to tears. You see the child in them and want to help to heal the wounds with unconditional love. This is the love that we all needed as children to enable us to grow and mature into confident happy beings. It is very possible to heal wounds with pure love but there also has to be boundaries and rules in place in terms of what is acceptable or non-acceptable behaviour. Do not abandon yourself to save someone else.
Can passive aggressive narcissists see the light?
If I give them enough love, attention, praise and adoration they will realise that they are “good enough”. Most passive aggressive narcissists are insecure at the root of their psyches. They probably came from overly harsh, judgmental backgrounds where they learnt that manipulation of others helps them get their needs met or were indulged, without boundaries at all. So can you heal your partner by good role modelling and praise. The answer is only if they choose to be healed or they are ready for it. A narcissist is always right and cannot see themselves at fault so will probably laugh at your attempts to fix them, call you emotional and crazy. The passive aggressive denies problems and definitely doesn’t like to get into anything that feels threatening such as love and emotions.
The only light they will see is the harsh light of reality when you decide to take your beautiful healing soul elsewhere and they are left wondering what happened.
DO NOT LOSE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS OF LOVE AND HEALING
Its very hard being in a relationship that is dysfunctional and harmful. There are no easy answers. If you feel you are being diminished and lost in the presence of another think about the following questions:
1 Does this relationship harm you or heal you?
2 What is stopping you from leaving?
3 Do you respect yourself enough to walk away?
I have many articles to read on this subject and also a 6 week online course for those who to want to survive, thrive and finally break free from passive aggressive behaviour. Check it out
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