Andrea Harrn Counselling Services

What is Conscious Uncoupling?

Concious_Uncoupling_ Workshop_Invitation-1Is there an easier way to divorce, separate or breakup.  I am often asked when the pain will go, how long it takes to feel better and when life will feel normal again.  There are no simple answers to these questions because every person is different and every story/situation too.   Break ups are usually traumatic and difficult for all parties involved and there is no magic pill to take the pain away or quicken the process.

The idea of conscious uncoupling has been around since the 70’s when Dr. Habib Sadeghi & Dr. Sherry Sami theorised that the problem is not that people these days are failing at marriage but rather that we are now living far to long to remain married to just one person and we are in an evolutionary shift.

Conscious uncoupling is an holistic way to manage breakups in a loving way, whereby both parties agree in an amicable way that they are no longer right together and it is time to move on.  When this can happen it can be a catalyst for a positive change, a breakthrough not a breakdown and way to heal yourself and your heart.

At what point might this be possible you may be thinking.  Right now I am so angry at him/her.  I never want his new partner to be near my children and I wish only unhappiness comes their way.  They need to suffer like I am!!  Oh yes, and in the meantime I’ll take him for every penny I can and life will not fall into an easy pattern otherwise she/he has “got away with it”.   Usually the “it” refers to an affair, new relationship or some perceived selfishness.

Being caught up in anger, hurt, disbelief and rage are normal reactive emotions and part of the psychological process of dealing with shock or unexpected breakups.  Eventually these feelings subside and reality sets in.   If you are completely honest with yourself would you say you were doing well as a couple, were you BOTH still feeling the love, connection and was life in your home happy and positive?    When both parties are willing to try to work at the relationship couples therapy can be very effective.   When you think about it you make a vow some sunny day when you gaze into each other’s eyes and from that point on it is all expected to be rosy.  Even at work we have appraisals where we are expected to look at our performance, goals and receive constructive feedback about improvements.  A marriage appraisal once a year would be a very beneficial process.

So conscious uncoupling looks at changing belief structures about relationships with an overriding ethos of helping people to look at themselves, their relationships and how we can all learn from each other about evolving our lives in positive ways.  It helps us to see our partners as teachers on our spiritual paths, where we can self-reflect rather than blame.

It helps to find wholeness in separation and will bring a far lasting peace to you, your family, your children and all other parties involved.

I am a guest speaker on this subject in conjunction with mediation lawyer Joanna Toloczko at Mullis and Peake solicitors on Monday 27th April 2015 at 9.30am till 11.30 am.  Please book direct with them if you are interested in attending to or call them on 01708 784056.

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