Why healers find it hard to give up on passive aggressive narcissists?

Why healers find it hard to give up on passive aggressive narcissists?

When passive aggressive narcissists form relationships with healers or empaths this can be a highly charged emotional dance.  They will be naturally drawn to each other.  One feels deeply, is intuitive and a natural fixer whilst the other is unemotional, insecure and volatile and seems to need fixing.  By the way not all passive aggressives are narcissists whereas most narcissists are passive aggressive. So when things go wrong and the healer is faced with emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and mental abuse why don’t they just walk away and find someone else to save?  Here are some reasons why: Love conquers all Healers…

Read more

5 reasons to stay with your PA partner – for better or worse

5 reasons to stay with your PA partner – for better or worse

For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.  How seriously do you take your marriage vows?  At what point would you say “enough is enough” and walk away.  There is a time in life when you have to seriously consider what you are doing and why you are doing it. You have probably spent many years going through the same repetitive cycles with your partner.  Good times, beautiful times and happy times followed by dark days, confusion, misery and abuse.  The thought of leaving has crossed your mind many times, yet you are still there. Here…

Read more

How to ride the emotional roller coaster

How to ride the emotional roller coaster

The emotional roller coaster can be both exciting and scary.  The highs and lows and the bits in between when you are going round and round in circles can make you feel dazed and confused. boarding the emotional carriage You don’t need to board because you are already onboard and have been for many years.  Sometimes you wonder why you don’t just jump off and start again.  When peace prevails the view looks good.  You are making plans together, looking ahead and your partner seems to be listening to you.  You want to praise them for the things they do well.…

Read more

How silent treatment is used as a defence

How silent treatment is used as a defence

Being on the other side of a silent wall can be extremely hurtful, especially if you are a sensitive type.  Silent anger can feel like a dagger into your heart or a knife into your soul.  When you try to talk or break the silence and you are met with the back of someone’s head or a blank stare this eats into your own feelings of self-worth.  It is so upsetting and confusing that it’s hard to know what do to. Being silent as a form of defence People that feel unable to communicate on an emotional level can feel safe behind a wall of…

Read more

Why are people defensive?

Why are people defensive?

    How many times do you walk into meetings or interviews to be met by this type of body language.  The arms folded in front are a sure sign of defensive behaviour but this does not necessarily mean the person does not like you. Defensive people are protecting themselves from being hurt in some way.  We all want to stand up for ourselves, be assertive, true to our values and not be seen as weak push-overs.  Communicating our thoughts and feelings is the best way to go forward but this is not always easy in work type situations.  Less…

Read more

A tale of passive aggressive behaviour: Criticism or Feedback

A tale of passive aggressive behaviour:  Criticism or Feedback

    So you are in a passive aggressive relationship.  There is something you want to tell your partner but a little voice tells you that he won’t take it well. Here’s the situation:  He likes to talk a lot and in fact he is quite an amusing storyteller. When in company he holds the floor and keeps dinner parties going with his amusing tales.  However, he doesn’t know when to stop talking.   Silences that might give another person an opportunity to talk are quickly filled by yet another of his stories.  You are aware that when others speak…

Read more

Being a parent: 360 degree feedback

Being a parent: 360 degree feedback

Being a parent is a wonderful gift but can also be challenging and demanding.  Have you ever asked your kids how they think you are doing as a parent. A friend of mine Kay recently asked her 15 year old daughter how she was doing as a mother and was interested to hear the response.     She was told she shouts  and waves her arms about a lot.  She wakes up every day moaning how busy she is but seems to spend a lot of time watching catch up TV.   At first Kay was surprised to hear this.…

Read more

What is projection? A basic guide.

What is projection?  A basic guide.

A friend recently asked me to clarify what projection meant.  She was having relationship problems with her husband and feeling confused about her own feelings and the conversations between them. He would regularly tell her she was rubbish at her job.  In fact she was very successful and doing well at work.  He on the other hand was frequently out of work for various reasons including falling out with senior managers and not following instructions properly.  He would also accuse her of being selfish despite the fact that she was the main breadwinner during the marriage as well as taking…

Read more

Choosing a university course. Do parents know best?

Choosing a university course. Do parents know best?

Choosing a course to study at university is a big decision these days.  Especially now the fees are so high and jobs are not so easy to find.  Some teenagers are very clear about what they want to study.  They know what they love and they can already see themselves as a teacher, an engineer or a doctor.  For others it is quite confusing. Most parents mean well in trying to help but it is important to let your teenager follow their own dreams and aspirations. Recently I have been hearing a similar story in my therapy room. “I listened…

Read more

Is it ok to be a people pleaser?

Is it ok to be a people pleaser?

I was recently talking to a friend about her relationship with her husband.  She said she knows how to keep him sweet.  She praises him (even when she’s angry).  She doesn’t ask him to help her in the house because she knows that upsets him.  When he does things that she does not agree with she keeps her mouth shut.  She does not want to rock the boat by  upsetting him.  I asked her why?  What stops her from being honest and this is what she told me. “I want a quiet life.   I let things go because I…

Read more