What are personal boundaries and why are they important?

What are personal boundaries and why are they important?

Personal boundaries, you’ve heard about them but what are they?  A boundary is a dividing line, a border, a partition that separates one person from another.  From a psychological perspective it can apply to emotions, physical space, material space, mental awareness, sexuality and spirituality. This post is going to focus on the emotional aspect of boundaries.  In particular the personal energetic boundaries that are needed when people are feeling vulnerable, abused, walked over, talked over and generally weakened by the presence of another human being. That other someone is often the closest in terms of a partner, parent, friend or boss.…

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7 things you can’t ignore: passive aggressive relationships

7 things you can’t ignore: passive aggressive relationships

  Relationships that are passive aggressive are difficult to manoeuvre.  Here are 7 important things to know  and by the way the PA is probably having just as bad a time as you are. 1   Understand why its happening People that are passive aggressive find it incredibly hard to talk about their emotions.  Rather than owning up to their feelings they behave in such a way that it is hard to confront them about what is really going on. 2   What the silent treatment is saying When the PA feels emotionally vulnerable they shut down, hide and withdraw.  The…

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Passive, Aggressive or Passive-Aggressive – what’s the difference?

Passive, Aggressive or Passive-Aggressive – what’s the difference?

  How does passive aggressive behaviour differ from simple passive or plain aggressive behaviour.  What’s worse, better or are they all as bad as each other. Passive Behaviour Suzie has been married to Gavin for 4 years.  Gavin works in the City, is quite dominating, controlling and enjoys going out for a drink (or two) with his work colleagues at the end of the week.  She is a qualified teacher but for now on maternity leave, with 2 small children.  Feeling under pressure from Gavin to keep the house clean and tidy is hard on her.  Therefore at weekends she likes to make plans to…

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Choosing a university course. Do parents know best?

Choosing a university course. Do parents know best?

Choosing a course to study at university is a big decision these days.  Especially now the fees are so high and jobs are not so easy to find.  Some teenagers are very clear about what they want to study.  They know what they love and they can already see themselves as a teacher, an engineer or a doctor.  For others it is quite confusing. Most parents mean well in trying to help but it is important to let your teenager follow their own dreams and aspirations. Recently I have been hearing a similar story in my therapy room. “I listened…

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Is it ok to be a people pleaser?

Is it ok to be a people pleaser?

I was recently talking to a friend about her relationship with her husband.  She said she knows how to keep him sweet.  She praises him (even when she’s angry).  She doesn’t ask him to help her in the house because she knows that upsets him.  When he does things that she does not agree with she keeps her mouth shut.  She does not want to rock the boat by  upsetting him.  I asked her why?  What stops her from being honest and this is what she told me. “I want a quiet life.   I let things go because I…

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Divorce is never easy – 10 assertiveness tips to help you both

Divorce is never easy – 10 assertiveness tips to help you both

Going through a divorce or separation can be very difficult and challenging for most people. The following TEN TIPS will help you to remain assertive and behave in a way that is effective, respectful and beneficial to yourself and others: 1. Express your opinions and feelings in a clear way.  Ask the other person what they think and feel too. 2. Be clear about what you want whilst considering the needs of the other party.  This includes stating your position and priorities and listening to the other persons position and priorities. Put yourself in their shoes! 3. Take your Time…

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Ten top tips for assertiveness during divorce proceedings

Going through a divorce or separation can be very difficult and challenging for most people. Being assertive will help you to approach divorce with a positive attitude that can help create an environment where all parties get their needs met. It is not about aggression or revenge, but about the way we communicate and our ability to stand up for ourselves and to say how we feel when we need to. The following TEN TIPS will help you to remain assertive and behave in a way that is effective, respectful and beneficial to yourself and others:   1. Expressing your…

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