Andrea Harrn Counselling Services

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

i'm sorry

I’m sorry even though I can’t say it

Do you find it difficult to say sorry?   Or perhaps you wait patiently and longingly to hear that word.  The power of an apology can make a huge difference in relationships between people.  But as Elton John so beautifully sang “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”.

There are times when we don’t get it right.  We are moody, miserable or angry and we might take that out on someone we love, or anyone that happens to be in our way.  If we feel vulnerable we might attack other people or blame them unnecessarily.  These actions are unfair and can be abusive to others.     We usually know in the back of our minds that what we did was wrong.  But to admit that is another thing.  It is easier to carry on regardless or ignore the feelings of those we have hurt.  Lets face it if we say sorry we are admitting our own failures or shortcomings.

When you are the person that feels hurt by the actions and behaviours of another it can feel confusing and upsetting.  You may think you don’t deserve it and you begin to question yourself.

Maybe, the other person does not realise how you feel.  If they knew would they be happy about it?  Have they intentionally set out to hurt you or is their behaviour more a reflection on themselves and how they are feeling right now.  Perhaps they are unhappy, stressed or insecure.  Although, we all have our breaking points.

A good tip that I recommend to clients is to write down the way you feel about things.  You might ask yourself the following:

1)     Why am I upset?
2)     What was my part in this?
3)     What specifically upset me?

When you are clear about your feelings show them or communicate them with the other person and give them a chance to reflect on what you are saying.

If that person has a conscience and good morals they will be able to apologise.  A beautiful way to do this is to say the word “sorry”.

When we are able to reflect on our behaviours it shows we are self-aware and have room for personal growth.  It is a strength to say sorry.

But if you don’t feel sorry then don’t just say it to please the other.  For you I would suggest the following:

1)  Write down how you feel about things?
2)  Is there anything I wish I had done differently?
2)  Do I have anything helpful to suggest for the future?

Then share with the other person.  This will really deepen and strengthen your relationship.

It means a lot to know that a person regrets what they have done,  can see the impact of their actions and are remorseful.

Affirmation:  I don’t always get things right but am willing to look at myself and learn

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