Andrea Harrn Counselling Services

A tale of passive aggressive behaviour: Criticism or Feedback


don't criticise your passive aggressive partner

criticism or feedback – passive aggressive relationship


So you are in a passive aggressive relationship.  There is something you want to tell your partner but a little voice tells you that he won’t take it well.

Here’s the situation:  He likes to talk a lot and in fact he is quite an amusing storyteller.

When in company he holds the floor and keeps dinner parties going with his amusing tales.  However, he doesn’t know when to stop talking.   Silences that might give another person an opportunity to talk are quickly filled by yet another of his stories.  You are aware that when others speak he quickly takes over.  When you speak he corrects you and tells you your story is wrong and you’ve got the facts wrong.  This all leads to a feeling of  not wanting to bother to speak – you go quiet.  Inside you feel upset and angry.

When you try to tell him about this some time later it becomes a tit for tat situation.  Everything you try to communicate is taken badly, he gets annoyed and accusations start in false and ridiculous ways.  It feels like you are living with a child.

He then stops talking to you altogether, sulks and looks angry.  That cup of tea that you usually get around 10pm just doesn’t appear.  He turns away from you.  You don’t want to talk to him either but you try to carry on – inside you feel flat, disappointed!!!

You feel confused.  How did you upset him?  Was it the way you explained things?  Did you criticise him?   You just wanted to tell him how you felt!  Maybe there are ways you could have said it better.

He is unable to be self-reflective or take responsibility but this becomes a problem for the two of you.  It affects the relationship yet again.   You go silent and he stays silent.   You decide that next time you have something to say, you won’t bother.  Its not worth the reaction.

And he can whistle Dixie for that nice home cooked meal tomorrow night !

Happy relationships are built on good communication where you can both listen and respect each other’s views and opinions.  In every situation there are different perspectives.  Doesn’t make one right or the other wrong.

Happy Days oh Passive Aggressive ones.


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