3 links between narcissistic and passive aggressive behaviours

3 links between narcissistic and passive aggressive behaviours

The narcissist is far from passive in their aggression although many moments of quiet planning will precede the onslaught.  I have experienced both narcissists and passive aggressives in my own life and professionally and identify three links. The Fragile Ego The ego is a person’s sense of themselves, their importance, their value and self-worth. It develops in infancy and its role is self-preservation.  In psychoanalytic terms the ego is the conscious sense of identity with an existence of an conscious/unconscious superego to represent conscience and morals (Freud). Who we are and how we behave is very much influenced by upbringing.  When a child…

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passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

I was recently asked this question by a reader: “I read your article about passive aggressive behavior and I wanted to know if this behavior is something that a person can turn on and off like a light switch or is it part of who they are? If a guy was like this with one girl is it likely he will be the same way with another girl or is he only passive aggressive with girls who push his buttons?” Someone who is passive aggressive can for sure turn the behaviour on (like a light switch) when their buttons are…

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passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse – 3 things to know

passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse – 3 things to know

Being in a PA relationship will feel SO emotionally abusive at times that you may consider leaving your partner. Below are three specific behaviours used as PA responses which affect the way you view yourself and your sense of reality.  These destructive behaviours eat away at who you are and what you know to be true.  You can end up in a haze of disbelief, mistrust and confusion.  Your head is a tangle of mixed up emotions and it is hard to think straight. Blame Passive aggressive people have deep rooted insecurity which affects their ability to take responsibility for their actions.   We all…

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7 things you can’t ignore: passive aggressive relationships

7 things you can’t ignore: passive aggressive relationships

  Relationships that are passive aggressive are difficult to manoeuvre.  Here are 7 important things to know  and by the way the PA is probably having just as bad a time as you are. 1   Understand why its happening People that are passive aggressive find it incredibly hard to talk about their emotions.  Rather than owning up to their feelings they behave in such a way that it is hard to confront them about what is really going on. 2   What the silent treatment is saying When the PA feels emotionally vulnerable they shut down, hide and withdraw.  The…

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Is there a link between dependency, codependency and passive aggressive?

Is there a link between dependency, codependency and passive aggressive?

By understanding dependency and codependency you can begin to make sense of why some people stay in passive aggressive relationships. Dependency In healthy relationships there will be a mutual inter- dependency between couples.  You rely on each other emotionally, economically and morally in terms of family and expectations.  Where relationships involve too much one sided dependence and not enough personal responsibility codependency can often be found. Codependency is a learned behaviour that can be passed down from generation to generation. It is an emotional and behavioural condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. Also known as relationship addiction…

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5 reasons people stay in passive aggressive relationships

5 reasons people stay in passive aggressive relationships

  Being in a passive aggressive relationship is not easy to live with or talk about. No matter what your partner does, staying with them also says something about you.  So why do you stay?  Why do you swing between love and hate? You live in hope that they will change When things are bad between you it feels like the worst thing ever.  You can’t think straight or see straight.   However hard you try to find out what the problem is, you are met with a brick wall.  One way to cope is to tell yourself this will not go on for…

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Passive, Aggressive or Passive-Aggressive – what’s the difference?

Passive, Aggressive or Passive-Aggressive – what’s the difference?

  How does passive aggressive behaviour differ from simple passive or plain aggressive behaviour.  What’s worse, better or are they all as bad as each other. Passive Behaviour Suzie has been married to Gavin for 4 years.  Gavin works in the City, is quite dominating, controlling and enjoys going out for a drink (or two) with his work colleagues at the end of the week.  She is a qualified teacher but for now on maternity leave, with 2 small children.  Feeling under pressure from Gavin to keep the house clean and tidy is hard on her.  Therefore at weekends she likes to make plans to…

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7 ways to recognise passive aggressive behaviour

7 ways to recognise passive aggressive behaviour

The term passive aggressive is widely used these days.  I overheard a conversation the other day in a restaurant when a customer accused the waitress of being passive aggressive because she didn’t smile and the food order was wrong.  Sure, PA behaviour can happen in all sorts of settings but when it happens between two people in a relationship it can be devastating. So how do you recognise the signs.  Below are 7 behaviours significant to the psychological pattern of PA behaviour. Fear of confrontation with your partner One moment everything appears fine but then you decide after some consideration that you…

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What its like living with a passive aggressive partner – you will be surprised

What its like living with a passive aggressive partner – you will be surprised

When you are living with a passive aggressive partner you will not often hear the word “Sorry”.  PAs find it very difficult to ever be wrong and if you dare to suggest it YOU will be sorry. Jean and Bill were having financial difficulties.  Jean had been working day and night to make ends meet for the family. She was a good mum, always there for her 3 children and husband, giving her best.  Bill also worked hard but not putting in the same effort and only doing what he wanted to do when it suited him.  Neither had a holiday in years.  Jean then finds…

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A tale of passive aggressive behaviour: Criticism or Feedback

A tale of passive aggressive behaviour:  Criticism or Feedback

    So you are in a passive aggressive relationship.  There is something you want to tell your partner but a little voice tells you that he won’t take it well. Here’s the situation:  He likes to talk a lot and in fact he is quite an amusing storyteller. When in company he holds the floor and keeps dinner parties going with his amusing tales.  However, he doesn’t know when to stop talking.   Silences that might give another person an opportunity to talk are quickly filled by yet another of his stories.  You are aware that when others speak…

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