communication Archives - Andrea Harrn Counselling Services

What is the most emotionally painful behaviour of a PA?

By Andrea Harrn March 8, 2017 anger, communication, narcissist, passive aggressive, relationships 4 Comments

It is emotionally painful when you are a partner of a passive aggressive. They are angry at you and the way they show it can be very hurtful. You have upset them in some way and you probably know where it started. It is also likely to be an occasion when you opened up emotionally and they couldn’t handle it. Passive aggressives find it very hard to get into their own emotions, let alone yours. Some of the responses you have probably experienced are avoiding discussions, pretending they can’t hear you or going out and not saying where. All of these responses…

How silent treatment is used as a defence

By Andrea Harrn February 15, 2017 communication, passive aggressive, silent treatment 4 Comments

Being on the other side of a silent wall can be extremely hurtful, especially if you are a sensitive type. Silent anger can feel like a dagger into your heart or a knife into your soul. When you try to talk or break the silence and you are met with the back of someone’s head or a blank stare this eats into your own feelings of self-worth. It is so upsetting and confusing that it’s hard to know what do to. Being silent as a form of defence People that feel unable to communicate on an emotional level can feel safe behind a wall of…

passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

By Andrea Harrn December 21, 2016 abuse, aggression, anger, communication, defence mechanisms, passive aggressive, Relationship Counselling, relationships, wrecking ball 3 Comments

I was recently asked this question by a reader: “I read your article about passive aggressive behavior and I wanted to know if this behavior is something that a person can turn on and off like a light switch or is it part of who they are? If a guy was like this with one girl is it likely he will be the same way with another girl or is he only passive aggressive with girls who push his buttons?” Someone who is passive aggressive can for sure turn the behaviour on (like a light switch) when their buttons are…

passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse – 3 things to know

By Andrea Harrn December 14, 2016 abuse, communication, passive aggressive, relationships, Uncategorized No Comments

Being in a PA relationship will feel SO emotionally abusive at times that you may consider leaving your partner. Below are three specific behaviours used as PA responses which affect the way you view yourself and your sense of reality. These destructive behaviours eat away at who you are and what you know to be true. You can end up in a haze of disbelief, mistrust and confusion. Your head is a tangle of mixed up emotions and it is hard to think straight. Blame Passive aggressive people have deep rooted insecurity which affects their ability to take responsibility for their actions. We all…

7 things you can’t ignore: passive aggressive relationships

By Andrea Harrn December 7, 2016 communication, passive aggressive, relationships, self-esteem 2 Comments

Relationships that are passive aggressive are difficult to manoeuvre. Here are 7 important things to know and by the way the PA is probably having just as bad a time as you are. 1 Understand why its happening People that are passive aggressive find it incredibly hard to talk about their emotions. Rather than owning up to their feelings they behave in such a way that it is hard to confront them about what is really going on. 2 What the silent treatment is saying When the PA feels emotionally vulnerable they shut down, hide and withdraw. The…

What its like living with a passive aggressive partner – you will be surprised

By Andrea Harrn November 2, 2016 communication, confusion, emotional abuse, passive aggressive No Comments

When you are living with a passive aggressive partner you will not often hear the word “Sorry”. PAs find it very difficult to ever be wrong and if you dare to suggest it YOU will be sorry. Jean and Bill were having financial difficulties. Jean had been working day and night to make ends meet for the family. She was a good mum, always there for her 3 children and husband, giving her best. Bill also worked hard but not putting in the same effort and only doing what he wanted to do when it suited him. Neither had a holiday in years. Jean then finds…

10 signs you are living with a narcissist?

By Andrea Harrn November 10, 2015 abuse, communication, narcissism, relationships 6 Comments

It can take a long time to work this one out but one day the penny will drop. Here are 10 signs to look out for that might indicate your partner’s behaviour is determined by far more than plain selfish actions: 1 Do you feel isolated and unloved in your relationship despite your partner saying the words “of course I love you”. Narcissist people are emotionally detached and find it hard to relate on a deep level about thoughts and feelings. 2 Is there space for your voice and opinions in the relationship or do you find that only happens when…

Why are people defensive?

By Andrea Harrn November 4, 2015 communication, confidence, relationships 1 Comment

How many times do you walk into meetings or interviews to be met by this type of body language. The arms folded in front are a sure sign of defensive behaviour but this does not necessarily mean the person does not like you. Defensive people are protecting themselves from being hurt in some way. We all want to stand up for ourselves, be assertive, true to our values and not be seen as weak push-overs. Communicating our thoughts and feelings is the best way to go forward but this is not always easy in work type situations. Less…

A tale of passive aggressive behaviour: Criticism or Feedback

By Andrea Harrn December 28, 2014 aggressive, communication, passive aggressive, relationships, self-awareness, self-reflection No Comments

So you are in a passive aggressive relationship. There is something you want to tell your partner but a little voice tells you that he won’t take it well. Here’s the situation: He likes to talk a lot and in fact he is quite an amusing storyteller. When in company he holds the floor and keeps dinner parties going with his amusing tales. However, he doesn’t know when to stop talking. Silences that might give another person an opportunity to talk are quickly filled by yet another of his stories. You are aware that when others speak…

What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

By Andrea Harrn August 27, 2014 abuse, aggression, aggressive, communication, passive aggressive, relationships, resentments No Comments

Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behaviour. It is where you are angry with someone but do not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when you feel upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed you may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behaviour, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall. It may also involve indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be…

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