assertiveness Archives - Andrea Harrn Counselling Services

6 steps to deal with a control freak

By Andrea Harrn April 26, 2017 assertiveness, control freak, controlling people, ex husband, passive aggressive, relationships No Comments

If the control freak in your life is your mother you should be an expert by now in how to be in control. After all you’ve lived with a control freak your whole life. You might even have an honours degree in the subject. However in reality you may very well still be struggling, perhaps not with your mother, but how about the controlling boss, the client or the ex-husband. If you were controlled and manipulated as a child then its no surprise that others might pick up on that and take the mantle. Here are six ways to take back…

What are personal boundaries and why are they important?

By Andrea Harrn April 5, 2017 assertiveness, auras, boundaries, energy vampires No Comments

Personal boundaries, you’ve heard about them but what are they? A boundary is a dividing line, a border, a partition that separates one person from another. From a psychological perspective it can apply to emotions, physical space, material space, mental awareness, sexuality and spirituality. This post is going to focus on the emotional aspect of boundaries. In particular the personal energetic boundaries that are needed when people are feeling vulnerable, abused, walked over, talked over and generally weakened by the presence of another human being. That other someone is often the closest in terms of a partner, parent, friend or boss.…

Its hard to think straight when going through a divorce or separation

By Andrea Harrn November 1, 2013 assertiveness, divorce, separation No Comments

Breakups are confusing and upsetting – FACT! Difficult for both parties – FACT! How can you be clear in your thinking when your emotions are topsy turvy? How do you get your point across in a clear and concise way? How can you make sure your needs are met and those of your children too? I’m offering a free training seminar covering these points on Thursday 14th November at 11.30am at the offices of Mullis and Peake solicitors in Romford Essex. Please come along and join a group of other people going through a similar situation and looking to be…

Choosing a university course. Do parents know best?

By Andrea Harrn August 1, 2013 18-25, achievement, assertiveness, business success, career help, communication, indecision, learning, responsibility 1 Comment

Choosing a course to study at university is a big decision these days. Especially now the fees are so high and jobs are not so easy to find. Some teenagers are very clear about what they want to study. They know what they love and they can already see themselves as a teacher, an engineer or a doctor. For others it is quite confusing. Most parents mean well in trying to help but it is important to let your teenager follow their own dreams and aspirations. Recently I have been hearing a similar story in my therapy room. “I listened…

Is it ok to be a people pleaser?

By Andrea Harrn July 4, 2013 acceptance, aggressive, anger, assertiveness, bullying, communication, confidence, conflict resolution, divorce, family demands, forgiveness, frustration, inaction, indecision, making changes, manipulation, marriage problems, people pleaser, relationships 2 Comments

I was recently talking to a friend about her relationship with her husband. She said she knows how to keep him sweet. She praises him (even when she’s angry). She doesn’t ask him to help her in the house because she knows that upsets him. When he does things that she does not agree with she keeps her mouth shut. She does not want to rock the boat by upsetting him. I asked her why? What stops her from being honest and this is what she told me. “I want a quiet life. I let things go because I…

How to talk to your children about divorce

By Andrea Harrn May 19, 2013 access to children, assertiveness, betrayal, broken heart, communication, conflict resolution, divorce, family demands, focusing on goals, relationships, self-esteem, stress over breakup No Comments

Can you imagine being a child in the middle of a divorce. It is a confusing and upsetting time for all concerned and as caring parents the more you can do to help your kids through this difficult time the better. No two people go into marriage with the expectation that it won’t last and of course where children are concerned this is doubly upsetting. Even if you were the one that chose to divorce it is still a difficult decision to make. When a marriage breaks down its all too easy to apportion blame. In reality with two of…

Divorce is never easy – 10 assertiveness tips to help you both

By Andrea Harrn April 23, 2013 access to children, assertiveness, bullying, divorce, financial settlements, marriage problems, separation No Comments

Going through a divorce or separation can be very difficult and challenging for most people. The following TEN TIPS will help you to remain assertive and behave in a way that is effective, respectful and beneficial to yourself and others: 1. Express your opinions and feelings in a clear way. Ask the other person what they think and feel too. 2. Be clear about what you want whilst considering the needs of the other party. This includes stating your position and priorities and listening to the other persons position and priorities. Put yourself in their shoes! 3. Take your Time…

Feeling helpless in the face of redundancy

By Andrea Harrn November 6, 2012 assertiveness, helpless, insecurity at work, redundant, restructuring, self-esteem, shock No Comments

Recently I have heard of so many people losing their jobs because of a company restructure. Being called in and told that the company is going through changes and one of those is that your job is now redundant. Surprise!! Maybe not. Perhaps you have seen this coming. Other people in other departments have gone. The company is now a third of the size it was two years ago. Secret meetings appear to be happening all around you and that smarmy new guy that arrived 3 months ago is looking even smarmier. It doesn’t seem to make sense…