passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

I was recently asked this question by a reader: “I read your article about passive aggressive behavior and I wanted to know if this behavior is something that a person can turn on and off like a light switch or is it part of who they are? If a guy was like this with one girl is it likely he will be the same way with another girl or is he only passive aggressive with girls who push his buttons?” Someone who is passive aggressive can for sure turn the behaviour on (like a light switch) when their buttons are…

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5 reasons people stay in passive aggressive relationships

5 reasons people stay in passive aggressive relationships

  Being in a passive aggressive relationship is not easy to live with or talk about. No matter what your partner does, staying with them also says something about you.  So why do you stay?  Why do you swing between love and hate? You live in hope that they will change When things are bad between you it feels like the worst thing ever.  You can’t think straight or see straight.   However hard you try to find out what the problem is, you are met with a brick wall.  One way to cope is to tell yourself this will not go on for…

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How do you make sense of terrorism?

How do you make sense of terrorism?

  Words are hard to find when faced with terrorism on your doorstep.  France is our neighbour, our friend, our brother and sister. The attacks at this period in history can leave us feeling lost and powerless to know what to do.  We can feel confusion and despair!  Typical questions might be: Why France? Why Now? What does this mean for the UK and other European cities? Am I safe – do I stay away from the centre of the City? Is this war? Who are these people doing this? It is hard to find the answers and know the truth.…

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What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behaviour. It is where you are angry with someone but do not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when you feel upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed you may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behaviour, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall. It may also involve indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be…

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How do you know when a relationship has past its sell-by date?

How do you know when a relationship has past its sell-by date?

Take the shopping:  When the price is right, the food might still go in the trolley on and beyond the sell-buy date.   Use-by dates are also not necessarily adhered to.   The food may be a bit manky round the edges but the taste isn’t too bad, certainly not enough to throw away.  It is only when there is more concern of greater harm than good do we throw away. So how can we use the same guide for our relationships. In the beginning it all looks good, feels good and tastes good.  The attraction is there, nice packaging,…

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Why successful people have therapy

Why successful people have therapy

With the sad news today of the death of the wonderful actor James Gandolfini it got me to thinking about how many times my own clients have told me they have felt like Tony Soprano in the therapy room.  Tony was the mafia boss so wonderfully portrayed by James in the six series of the Sopranos.  Tony and his therapist had that kind of relationship that is essential to good therapy.  He would tell her all the gory details of his rise to power and his everyday problems of being a mafia boss and she would help him explore his thoughts…

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What is passive aggressive Behaviour?

What is passive aggressive Behaviour?

Put simply passive aggressive behaviour can be described as a silent form of aggression. It is where you are angry with someone but do not or cannot tell them. It may involve, shutting off verbally, it may involve angry looks, obvious changes in behaviour, being obstructive, sulky or stonewalling. It is characterized by an indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, evading, pouting, or deliberately creating confusion. A passive aggressive individual doesn’t always exhibit outward anger or appear malicious. At first glance, the behaviour might appears unassuming, gracious and benevolent; underneath…

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