Three girls – who is responsible?

Three girls – who is responsible?

Did you watch the recent TV series Three Girls about the scandal in Rochdale involving under age girls being trafficked and sexually abused.  It was quite shocking actually but the thing that upset me the most, and has been playing on my mind since, is what happened to cause those girls to end up where they did. The girls found comfort in the local kebab shop, where they were fed and given a place to play, jump around and be children.  They felt cared for, looked after and safe.  This was before it all started to go wrong, when the men…

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passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

I was recently asked this question by a reader: “I read your article about passive aggressive behavior and I wanted to know if this behavior is something that a person can turn on and off like a light switch or is it part of who they are? If a guy was like this with one girl is it likely he will be the same way with another girl or is he only passive aggressive with girls who push his buttons?” Someone who is passive aggressive can for sure turn the behaviour on (like a light switch) when their buttons are…

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passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse – 3 things to know

passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse – 3 things to know

Being in a PA relationship will feel SO emotionally abusive at times that you may consider leaving your partner. Below are three specific behaviours used as PA responses which affect the way you view yourself and your sense of reality.  These destructive behaviours eat away at who you are and what you know to be true.  You can end up in a haze of disbelief, mistrust and confusion.  Your head is a tangle of mixed up emotions and it is hard to think straight. Blame Passive aggressive people have deep rooted insecurity which affects their ability to take responsibility for their actions.   We all…

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10 signs you are living with a narcissist?

10 signs you are living with a narcissist?

It can take a long time to work this one out but one day the penny will drop.  Here are 10 signs to look out for that might indicate your partner’s behaviour is determined by far more than plain selfish actions: 1  Do you feel isolated and unloved in your relationship despite your partner saying the words “of course I love you”.  Narcissist people are emotionally detached and find it hard to relate on a deep level about thoughts and feelings. 2  Is there space for your voice and opinions in the relationship or do you find that only happens when…

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What does it mean to feel flawed?

What does it mean to feel flawed?

To feel flawed is to think and believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, your looks, your behaviour, your personality, even at the deepest core level of your soul.  It is probably something that you have felt for a very long time, perhaps since childhood and it could have come about for a variety of reasons. Feeling flawed causes people to feel self-conscious, self-critical and shame.  When we give ourselves negative messages about who we are we are giving ourselves the greatest dis-service.  It can affect so many areas of people’s lives, relationships, work, self-motivations, beliefs, achievements and…

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What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behaviour. It is where you are angry with someone but do not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when you feel upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed you may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behaviour, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall. It may also involve indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be…

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Forgiveness: How do you forgive someone that has hurt you?

Forgiveness: How do you forgive someone that has hurt you?

How do I forgive?  How do I let go?  These questions are often asked to me in the therapy room.   When someone you love hurts you in some way it is very hard to come to terms with.  It is easier to let go when that person is not so close, such as a work colleague or an acquaintance.   We can take the view that we don’t really need them in our life or even like them that much.  Its easier to see them as a negative person or difficult to get along with.  For example a work place…

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5 reasons not to argue by text

5 reasons not to argue by text

How many times do you have arguments by text.  I was talking to a colleague the other day who refuses to engage in this kind of conflict.  As she so rightly pointed out, once something is in writing there’s no taking it back. In arguments we might say things we would not normally say, hurtful things or attacking comments.  We sometimes blame others when things go wrong before we have had a chance to think things through.  Then the arguments start, you said, he said and she said.  Feelings can explode in an unhelpful way. Now I’m not saying it isn’t…

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How do you know when a relationship has past its sell-by date?

How do you know when a relationship has past its sell-by date?

Take the shopping:  When the price is right, the food might still go in the trolley on and beyond the sell-buy date.   Use-by dates are also not necessarily adhered to.   The food may be a bit manky round the edges but the taste isn’t too bad, certainly not enough to throw away.  It is only when there is more concern of greater harm than good do we throw away. So how can we use the same guide for our relationships. In the beginning it all looks good, feels good and tastes good.  The attraction is there, nice packaging,…

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Confused.com

Confused.com

Are you feeling confused?  Do you have tangled thoughts, mind racing, mixed messages and bad communications. When communication is unclear this can result in confusion.  How many times have your listened to instructions and half way through them got lost in language.  People have different ways of expressing themselves.  Some get to the point very quickly whilst others talk around the houses and waffle a bit.   Others just don’t bother to give time or eye contact.  Sounding familiar? To avoid confusion think about the following: Make your own communication crystal clear and if appropriate follow up by an email…

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