Betrayal and Humiliation

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There is nothing more painful than finding out that your partner has cheated on you.  The person that you have spent the last few years with has betrayed you in some way.  That same person that you have loved, cherished, cared for, supported, had children with has let you down.

Despite your intuition, finding text messages or hearing rumours,  you are being told that nothing has happened and it is in your mind.  The other party involved is apparently just a friend, a work colleague or a complete stranger.

Next thing your partner tells you they are leaving you to find themselves or because they need their own space.  None of this is making sense.  Even when the evidence becomes stronger it is being denied.

So many times I hear this story from hurt partners.

What constitutes an affair?  When is it a betrayal?

An affair can be an affair of the mind, heart or body.   A betrayal is a break in the trust between you.   Where is the line or is there even a line.  Its complicated yet it is also clear.

When you feel you have lost your partner to someone else this is a sign that there is something seriously wrong with your relationship.

When your partner seems lost to you, secretive, acting strangely, being either more attentive or starting arguments for no reason there is cause to be concerned.  You can feel humiliated, ashamed, confused, anxious, angry, guilty and full of regret but so too can your partner feel all of these things.  In fact it could be the catalyst that brings you back together.

When this happens it doesn’t necessarily mean a divorce or a break up.  If you can sit down, the two of you and look at the problems between you there is  chance to work things out and find a way for you to be together.  Things will never go back to how they were but it is possible to move on to a place where you can both be happy.

When a betrayal has occurred it can be hard to overcome, it is probably one of the most painful experiences that you will go through.  Before you go rushing for a divorce or break up try and seek professional help.  Although you cannot change the situation you can be helped to improve your resilience, regain some clarity, find strategies, take control and learn how to balance things.

In the meantime try also to empathise with your partner.  Although you will be angry and probably accusatory too, remember no-body sets out to cause pain for another.

The most important thing is to work out what is right for you and your partner.  Take your time to sort things out, influence your outcome in a positive way and rebuild your future.

One thought on “Betrayal and Humiliation

  1. J Trott

    Betrayal is when after 40+ years your husband admits that he has never loved you, doesn’t know what love is and only married you because you were “good in bed.”

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