What is the most emotionally painful behaviour of a PA?

What is the most emotionally painful behaviour of a PA?

It is emotionally painful when you are a partner of a passive aggressive.  They are angry at you and the way they show it can be very hurtful.  You have upset them in some way and you probably know where it started.  It is also likely to be an occasion when you opened up emotionally and they couldn’t handle it.  Passive aggressives find it very hard to get into their own emotions, let alone yours. Some of the responses you have probably experienced are avoiding discussions, pretending they can’t hear you or going out and not saying where.  All of these responses…

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5 losses of not facing up to passive aggressive behaviour

5 losses of not facing up to passive aggressive  behaviour

When aggressive responses are not verbalised it can be very hard to work out why your partner is so annoyed with you and can leave you wondering for days on end.  There are always consequences of passive aggressive behaviour.  When difficult relationships are not addressed it is usually due to fear of things getting worse.  It is far easier to bury your head in the sand, wait for the good times and endure the misery.  You’ve done it before so you can do it again.  Here are 5 reasons not to ignore this problem: loss of self-respect If you continue to…

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How to ride the emotional roller coaster

How to ride the emotional roller coaster

The emotional roller coaster can be both exciting and scary.  The highs and lows and the bits in between when you are going round and round in circles can make you feel dazed and confused. boarding the emotional carriage You don’t need to board because you are already onboard and have been for many years.  Sometimes you wonder why you don’t just jump off and start again.  When peace prevails the view looks good.  You are making plans together, looking ahead and your partner seems to be listening to you.  You want to praise them for the things they do well.…

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How silent treatment is used as a defence

How silent treatment is used as a defence

Being on the other side of a silent wall can be extremely hurtful, especially if you are a sensitive type.  Silent anger can feel like a dagger into your heart or a knife into your soul.  When you try to talk or break the silence and you are met with the back of someone’s head or a blank stare this eats into your own feelings of self-worth.  It is so upsetting and confusing that it’s hard to know what do to. Being silent as a form of defence People that feel unable to communicate on an emotional level can feel safe behind a wall of…

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What are the main theories of emotion relevant today

What are the main theories of emotion relevant today

There are many theories about emotion going back hundreds of years.   They have been grouped into categories, sub-categories and numerous lists.  Some of the main theories can still be useful today. Many psychologists identify the basic/prime emotions to be anger, fear, disgust, happiness, rage, love and sadness.  Emotion is defined as a strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge According to the Oxford Dictionary the word emotion derives from Mid 16th century, denoting a public disturbance:  from French émotion, from émouvoir excite, based on Latin emovere, from e- (variant…

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How to reveal the power games in passive aggression

How to reveal the power games in passive aggression

The power games of passive aggressive relationships can sometimes make you forget the past.  Your partner has managed to get you back on side and you are in an almost blissful state of happiness.  Your relationship is back on track.  They cannot do enough for you and you want to believe it will last.  However, something inside you doesn’t allow you to relax.  It’s an intuitive voice based on past experiences and it will not go away.  It feels like your partner holds the power and YOUR behaviour might just change things.  What are the power games being played? Manipulation In general…

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3 links between narcissistic and passive aggressive behaviours

3 links between narcissistic and passive aggressive behaviours

The narcissist is far from passive in their aggression although many moments of quiet planning will precede the onslaught.  I have experienced both narcissists and passive aggressives in my own life and professionally and identify three links. The Fragile Ego The ego is a person’s sense of themselves, their importance, their value and self-worth. It develops in infancy and its role is self-preservation.  In psychoanalytic terms the ego is the conscious sense of identity with an existence of an conscious/unconscious superego to represent conscience and morals (Freud). Who we are and how we behave is very much influenced by upbringing.  When a child…

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passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

passive aggressive behaviour – is it intentional?

I was recently asked this question by a reader: “I read your article about passive aggressive behavior and I wanted to know if this behavior is something that a person can turn on and off like a light switch or is it part of who they are? If a guy was like this with one girl is it likely he will be the same way with another girl or is he only passive aggressive with girls who push his buttons?” Someone who is passive aggressive can for sure turn the behaviour on (like a light switch) when their buttons are…

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passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse – 3 things to know

passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse – 3 things to know

Being in a PA relationship will feel SO emotionally abusive at times that you may consider leaving your partner. Below are three specific behaviours used as PA responses which affect the way you view yourself and your sense of reality.  These destructive behaviours eat away at who you are and what you know to be true.  You can end up in a haze of disbelief, mistrust and confusion.  Your head is a tangle of mixed up emotions and it is hard to think straight. Blame Passive aggressive people have deep rooted insecurity which affects their ability to take responsibility for their actions.   We all…

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7 things you can’t ignore: passive aggressive relationships

7 things you can’t ignore: passive aggressive relationships

  Relationships that are passive aggressive are difficult to manoeuvre.  Here are 7 important things to know  and by the way the PA is probably having just as bad a time as you are. 1   Understand why its happening People that are passive aggressive find it incredibly hard to talk about their emotions.  Rather than owning up to their feelings they behave in such a way that it is hard to confront them about what is really going on. 2   What the silent treatment is saying When the PA feels emotionally vulnerable they shut down, hide and withdraw.  The…

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