How many times do you have arguments by text. I was talking to a colleague the other day who refuses to engage in this kind of conflict. As she so rightly pointed out, once something is in writing there’s no taking it back. In arguments we might say things we would not normally say, hurtful things or attacking comments. We sometimes blame others when things go wrong before we have had a chance to think things through. Then the arguments start, you said, he said and she said. Feelings can explode in an unhelpful way.
Now I’m not saying it isn’t a good idea to write down how you feel. In fact this is a wonderful tool of therapy and one I recommend. What I also recommend though is not sending the first version. This is more for you to get the thoughts and feelings outside of yourself to enable that process of reflection.
Then if you decide to writing to your partner, mother, sister or even your boss or colleague to explain your feelings this can be done in a thoughtful way so as to give them a chance to understand you. Of course face to face conversation is far better but I do know that this is not always easy.
Here are 5 good reasons not to argue by text:
1. There is no taking back what you say – those words will remain
2 It is stressful for both parties engaged in this kind of conflict. What is coming next? Who will get the last word?
3. When you receive a text message with negative comments about you this can be very hurtful and will remain with for a very long time – maybe affecting your own self-esteem
4. What you say can be shared with others. Do you want other people to know your innermost thoughts, feelings, anger, spite, language?
5. This can feel like bullying or abuse. You or the other person may not want to be so specific so it becomes a one sided-conversation or with one person attacking and other defending.
It will be much more beneficial to have a face to face conversation. It could start with an invitation to talk about building your relationship in a more positive way.
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