When aggressive responses are not verbalised it can be very hard to work out why your partner is so annoyed with you and can leave you wondering for days on end. There are always consequences of passive aggressive behaviour. When difficult relationships are not addressed it is usually due to fear of things getting worse. It is far easier to bury your head in the sand, wait for the good times and endure the misery. You’ve done it before so you can do it again. Here are 5 reasons not to ignore this problem:
loss of self-respect
If you continue to accept the bad behaviour of your partner then you are also condoning it. Trying too hard to please will not make them love you more. If they are angry or feel aggressive towards you they need to tell you why.
Zara always seemed annoyed with George. He doesn’t really understand why. Was it that incident a few years back? Or was it because I didn’t clean her car properly? Every time I ask her she says “there is nothing wrong – its in my head”
George runs around Zara as if she were a princess. He loves it when she thanks him but that doesn’t often happen. He is beginning to feel very low and finds himself crying at times. He feels so bad about this and can’t tell anyone. In his mind he is a weak man and feels ashamed.
loss of identity
Negative relationships are unhealthy both mentally and physically. You can soon lose yourself trying to fix your partner
George feels sorry for Zara. She seems so miserable and is definitely not reaching her potential at work. When he first met her she had a good job and seemed confident. He tries to help her feel good about herself by building her up, telling her all the things she does well. Zara is actually quite mean to him which he doesn’t address. George is at a loss to know what to do and finds himself thinking about her happiness more than his own. He puts her needs before his own.
It is not unusual for codependency to play a part in passive aggressive relationships.
loss of security
Sometimes you wonder why you are together or if your partner wants to be with you
Zara doesn’t show affection to George. She turns away from him in the bedroom and rarely makes any moves to be intimate. If she does, she looks away. He begins to wonder if she has someone else but is too afraid to ask. Zara doesn’t have anyone else. She is still hanging on to a disagreement they had a long time ago. It was so long ago in fact that it seems silly to bring it up now, and she is worried that George will not understand her and get fed up with her. She struggles to understand why he wants to be with her.
Both of them are feeling unhappy and insecure
loss of confidence
When they first met they were bubbly together, full of life, passion and shared interests. They stopped communicating properly a few years ago and the longer it has gone on the harder it is to reconnect.
George puts on an act of being happy and cheerful. However this relationship is bringing him down. He doesn’t sleep well and his work is suffering. He wants to go for a promotion but can’t even write the job application. Zara is so used to her miserableness and anger that she feels stuck. What happened to her?
Confidence is all about being happy in your own skin, being free to express yourself, make mistakes and move on.
loss of control
Neither of them know where this relationship is going. They used to have plans but no longer talk about the future.
George waits for Zara to respond, he is reactive to her moods. She has no idea what to do, what to say or how to feel. They are both lost.
To gain control George needs to look at himself, his own life, his own needs and how this relationship is working for him. Zara needs to understand herself and her moods. They both need to take responsibility for themselves and their own behaviours. By doing this they will feel more in control.
Right now they are stuck and one or both of them needs to make a serious move towards change.
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The Mood Cards also help couples to communicate by giving clear structured questions. Give your relationship a chance The Mood Cards
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